I'm learning to live today.
This is just something I have realized lately. I have spent a lifetime grieving over the past or worrying about the future. However, this isn't a revelation. I have been forced into this new way of thinking because of my wonderful husband.
He is losing his memory. More every day. We no longer have much of a past. I don't have a clue about our future. But we DO have today.
I really haven't uttered that outloud except to a very few close friends and my children. But now I must come to terms with the reality of it.
I first noticed it 4 or 5 years ago - he was just having bothersome problem-solving issues. Nothing seemed to work anymore - particularly the computer. He was a whiz at Excel - had been a social networker/emailer from way back - but now he couldn't remember how to open his email or upload a picture to Facebook. He was posting private messages on public walls. Of course when this begins you always rationalize it. Then about 2 years ago, he began having a greater-than-usual problem with directions.He's always had SOME direction problems. He is very dyslexic. But this was beyond that. I immediately researched whether that becomes worse with age. Hoping it was so.
Wanting to take advantage of the time we had left - I planned a one month vacation last summer with some money I rec'd through overtime at work. We traveled to Yellowstone, Custer, Mt Rushmore, Crazy Horse, Zion, Bryce, Grand Canyon, etc. Today he knows we took a trip - but doesn't remember much of it.
Now, he can't remember how to drive to familiar places in the town he's lived in for nearly 15 years. He depends on his GPS for EVERY trip. It typically saves the day - but sometimes he still gets lost. Even to places he regularly goes.
I need a place I can share my experiences. And decided that today was the day.
